Failure

So, I've been inspired. I am making a lot of progress with my self-confidence, and my self-esteem, actually. I esteemed myself enough to leave a relationship that was dishonest and unhealthy. But, there is much work to be done.

As far as relationships go, I have often thought of myself as being worth less than a two bit whore because at least they got two bits, whereas I usually got nothing. With few exceptions, I have realised that the men/boys I have been involved with wanted me as their mistress/whore, not as a partner or some one to love. I take heart in the fact that the last relationship brought my monetary value up quite a bit...I'm worth 4 days in Vegas, at least! But, there were actually times when I felt like a prostitute. At least I recognised that, and that it wasn't a good feeling. Believe it or not, that is progress.

Anyway, I am trying to start a new affair...one that, whether I want it to or not, it will last a lifetime...one with myself. I hope that I can find that I, at least like myself, if not love myself.

P.S. I don't mean to say I weigh relationships by the amount of stuff I get out of them. The two bits remarks are a bitter way of saying that for all the pain, I should have at least had something to show for it.