Hell to the NO!
I was doing really well in wooing myself, but I've lost it along the way. I'm trying to take steps to do better, but it isn't working very well. I'm seeing more of why I am not worth being with, instead of why I would be worth being with.
But, I put on a brave face and pretend that I have it together while holding on by a thread. Oh, well. Must keep movin' on, I guess.
There's a face that we wear
In the cold light of day -
It's society's mask,
It's society's way,
And the truth is
That it's all a facade!
There's a face that we hide
Till the nighttime appears,
And what's hiding inside,
Behind all of our fears,
Is our true self,
Locked inside the facade!
Every day
People, in their own sweet way,
Like to add a coat of paint,
And be what they ain't!
That's how our little -
Game is played,
Livin' like a masquerade
Actin' a bizarre charade -
While playing the saint!
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It really is not that you aren't worth being with.
ReplyDeleteIt IS that you don't believe that you're worth being with.
I have known and loved you for years and I have seen that you have plenty of people (myself included) telling you how wonderful they think you are all of the time. You just need to find a way for YOU to think that you're wonderful too. At the very least you need to find a way to accept that you're not horrible, which is what you project onto yourself. It's just not true and as long as you tell yourself that, it will be true for you.
You have all the potential, Lex. I also know that I haven't said anything here that you're not aware of. It just makes me sad to watch you throw your worth away and I want you to really look at what you say and do. In one breath you open up potential and with the next breath you close the door on it. It must be exhausting. And if there's anything I understand it's fighting my self and how it depletes my ability to deal with everything else.
I'm not sure if you're comfortable talking about
what it is that you're seeing in yourself that makes you feel so unworthy. I know that telling me wont fix it, but I'd love to understand better if you want to talk. I love you!
I have believed in myself, and even dared to like myself. Seemingly, as soon as I do, I'm reminded that I'm not more than crap to be wiped off a shoe and forgotten, or that I'm not worth anything more than a whore/mistress to be bought and discarded at will.
ReplyDeleteI've learned through experience that my potential is only as a temp. Temporary employee, temporary lover, etc.